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Using our advanced network of grid-based performance systems, we here at You want to know our business model? Sorry, Grandpa, but you better turn your hearing aid up. This is the 21st century, Y I fear that our company may not be envisioning enough paradigms. I have therefore decided to invest $5 billion in this new and completely unproven company. Makes sense to me. I admire your vision, sir. So do I. Now I'm not entirely sure what Y He's a smart cookie, so they must be onto something. Your powers of deduction are absolutely amazing, sir. I know. I'll put the paperwork through right away. Alright, next on the agenda, it appears that our taco-bronzing factory in Outer Mongolia may be in financial trouble. Can people see the need for beautiful, perfectly preserved tacos? Apparently not. That's why we're going to spend $100 million on a new ad campaign to tell people what they want. Sending the money now, sir. Fantastic. Our final matter is the company picnic. I've decided that this year's theme is going to be enormous grizzly bears in their cubs. How long should you stand between them? An inspired choice, sir. Thank you. I'll send out the invitations right away. Fantastic. That's odd. I'll get it on the phone with the foreman and see what the problem is. Hello? Hello, McShane? Look, we're going to need more fail. It's no good, sir. We're already at maxim What? What was that? I can't hear you very well. I said we're buying the fail as fast as we can. Well, that's just not good enough, okay? If we're going to implement all these new changes, we're going to need at least a metric ton of pure fail by the end of this week. Without due respect, sir, we're already running double shifts. I don'think the machinery can take the strain. You fail miners are all a No vision. Look, sir, it's just a matter of. . . Oh my god, there's been a cave-in! Charlie, no! I told you were buying the fail too fast. Now one of my best men is dead. And for what? Just so you suits can have an ice sculptor contest in the middle of an active volcano? You bastards! I'm sorry, sir. I think we've hit peak fail. Our mining operations just can't keep up with your terrible, terrible plans. What are we going to do? You're going to have to start making good decisions. I suppose deep down we all knew this day would come eventually. Very well. Cancel the acquisition of Y And reschedule the company picnic. Yes, sir. Next we're going to have to actually produce some useful products. Ramp-up production on that new super-efficient zero-emission car that runs on a thimble full of gas a week. Oh, the one we've had in the basement for the last 12 years. Exactly. Okay. Without massively overpriced acquisitions of useless companies and poorly thought-out promotional events, it's just not the same. My god! Look up the news! It's a miracle! And for those of you just joining us, the business community breathed a sigh of relief today as FailTech Incorporated released their latest find. Geologists are calling it the biggest reservoir of fail found in the past 20 years and expect to soon be able to extract over 3,000 tons of refined fail per week. We're saved! Do I even need to say it? Permission to call the Grizzly Bear Handlers. Permission granted.
