The Bourbon Barber

I'm Santa Claus and I go and visit children all over the world. Every performance, every time I see children, I'm a little nervous because I never know what they're going to say. One little girl said you don't smell And she says because her uncle played Santa one year and he smells Santa doesn't drink. Just last week, actually yesterday, I saw 127 children during the day. I love their faces. They come and they're so excited and they run up to me with such exuberance. They just want to be there and some of course are frightened. They'll come as far as maybe 10 feet and stop and you can see them starting to want to backtrack a little bit but as long as I keep a happy smile face, they seem to come and enjoy the visit with Santa Claus. The only time I get a child tugging is probably when mom and dad say go pull on his beard but most children want a nice present for Christmas and they wouldn't dare unless of course they ask Santa can I touch your beard and I let them. My beard is quite good. It sometimes gets a little tainted with air and stuff and it gets a little yellow so to spruce it up I go to a barber shop and I get my beard bleached and toned and it's quite an ordeal. They rinse and tone and I come out bright and white and crisp and sometimes your eyes water but other than that it's not that bad of an experience. I'll do anything to make myself look very presentable for the children. I get rescued quite often especially when I put the baby up here their hands come out and then they and they love getting in here. Painful but wonderful at the same time. Well my special elf she's been helping me since oh grade school since about nine years old and she's been now she's my senior elf and she'still my elf and I call her mistletoe. I don't know if I could perform without mistletoe. She'she helps me bring the children in and she helps set them on my knee and we just we work in very good harmony together. I will always be Santa. There's no doubt in my mind.